So, it's February. The month of LOVE. (actually, it's the month of purification, after the god Februus, but Valentine's day, right!?) Those who know me know I'm really not one for love and romance. Valentine's day makes me gag and people who live and breathe for their significant other confuse and disgust me. I'm saying this as a person in a very happy, committed relationship. I just need more in life than a man and googly eyes.
This is not to say I don't have a romantic streak. I'm a girl who can still get swoony when Darcy professes his love for Elizabeth after the 100th time I've read the book. I just strongly believe love and romance are largely fantasy and that it is dangerous to confuse what you see in movies and read in books with what you should expect in life. At some point, the book ends or the credits roll. If every real relationship ended directly after that first exciting, knee-melting kiss, if we could be every romantic heroine and life was a series of beautiful men who challenge, excite and madden us, if there were ancient family conflicts and other dramatic barriers to overcome and when we finally get together...MAGIC, then I would say, go for it, believe in perfect love.
I do believe in love, despite being a terrible cynic, but I think love is in the effort, the process of knowing someone. It is in the details and what makes individuals special and distinct. I love catching myself in a moment with K when I just know what's going on. When I feel completely in the moment and at ease. I like to know what it means when he's chewing on his fingers or looking at me a certain way. Yeah, some of the drama of the unknown is gone, but I fully intend to have more romantic moments in my life (like drinking wine from the bottle in a park in Paris late at night, talking about life with K). But generally I like my romance where it belongs--in the realm of fiction.
I suppose I've ruminating on love because in this tiny lull in a very busy schedule, I've been watching some old favorite movies. Two early influences on my romantic expectations, and although both dreamy and romantic, a little closer to reality:
(I also have to admit that Celine's style was a partial inspiration for my 90s party outfit).
Picture-A-Day:
Blood orange. My office, afternoon.
Listening to
one of my favorite soundtracks.
